Today was another day full of errands and catching up.

After going to bed at 0500 I slept in until 1000 and then got the day started baking some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, yummmm my favorite!  There is no better stress release than being in the kitchen and whipping up a tasty batch of sweets. After 3 dozen cookies it was time to start on chores though.

Sydney came over and wanted to earn extra cash so she started on laundry. Woohoo every adults dream, having someone else do laundry! Then she even helped with changing out lights in the dining room so I didn’t have to use the step ladder. I can say having a fifteen year old around does help a lot when they are working towards their own goal.  Now laundry is almost done, lights are changed, and I was also able to get the kitchen cleaned up.  Hopefully that will give me more time to work on my homework tonight.

Speaking of homework >_< I have slacked this Wintermester and have several chapters to catch up on. UGH! This means I have to take time away from the cam to focus on my studies.  The other struggles of adulting and making sure priorities are handled. I have to stick with it though since I am so close to the finish line.  It is to late to give up or postpone my degree otherwise I may decide to quit altogether.  Which would be a waste of time and money in the long run.

On another note with this lovely paradise….I made it to the post office to mail off Ken’s Christmas present and parting gift. I hate that I have this feeling of emptiness with it.  However, I am the one who said I would part ways after Christmas and end the communication.  I wont lie, it is killing me inside and knowing this day was coming made it somewhat easier preparing myself.  It also has left this hole in my heart that I know is not repairable because he meant so much to me. I don’t even know what to think or how to feel right now as I am numb.  I have been trying to stay busy so I didn’t have to think about it. I just wish he knew how much he really did make me happy. With words that were said in the past I know that he will never feel the same again. Yes, I know he cares but I don’t think he will ever care enough to help with my needs and wants again. I have let the past go though and with my new outlook on things with life you can only live day to day and make things right with yourself.  I will think twice in the future about giving my all to anyone else and trusting them 100% because I do not want to hurt like this again.  I will keep a smile on my face and remember that everything happens for a reason.

On a positive when I went to Petsmart to get Sugar (the dog) her multivitamins I was able to score them 90% off! Nine months worth for $18 which was $188 savings! Now that was a win in my book.  As I always say you have to find the positives in each day.  You may have everything in the world weighing on your shoulders, but there is always something worth smiling for.

The boys will come home tomorrow too! Another positive! I have missed them so much the last couple weeks and cant wait for them to open their Christmas gifts.  I just know they will love it all.  I will take advantage of the time with Ashton too.  The week with him will not be long enough and my heart hurts that he is no longer here.  He is fourteen and thinks he knows everything.  Hopefully with all of this he will realize that his decisions always will have an outcome and sometimes its not what is expected.  Unfortunately by the time he realizes this it will be to late and he wont be able to change his mind.  I will need the strength to get through this too. I don’t want him to think that I ever gave up on him, I am just honoring his wishes too.

 

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